Difficult Decisions

Time to be very candid and personal.

The past few months have been very difficult for me, the past several weeks full of anxiety. Have you ever gotten a gift, it seemed great, and then you wanted to give it back? Well, basically that is what has happened to me. I was given an opportunity to "advance" in my career, everything felt right. However, it wasn't. It took me away from my family, it took my away from my ministry, and it took my joy and peace. I was working hard, giving it all I had, and seeing slow steady progress, but not the leaps and bounds I had hoped for. I feared I was disappointing my boss and didn't know how to increase my capacity. So, what did I do... I prayed, I talked to God, and I waited patiently for the answer.

The first answer I got didn't make a lot of sense to me, when we prayed as a church for a vision for 2017 and to let go of 2016 I heard "Put Me First, Do not be anxious and trust in me" and then "Stop being so stubborn". I shared this with my husband, he asked what that all meant. The first two made sense, but the last was a bit confusing, I said I guess it would reveal when He was ready.

Then the answer came... did I want to increase my stress and time away from home? Did I want to attempt to do more in my job even though I was exhausted with what I had? I know, those are questions, but that was also my answer, "No." Honestly, my boss thought I would give that answer, he sensed my frustration, and was very supportive of my decision to go back to my previous position.

I went through a series of emotions this week as this decision became final. Some sadness, some anger, and a lot of relief. I worried about the decision, I didn't want to disappoint God either, did he give me this opportunity and I just gave it up? Was I not on the right path now? The enemy was creeping in, trying to make me doubt. Then I went to a leadership meeting at church today and the voice of the Holy Spirit in my head was clear "Be at peace my child, you are where I need you to be". Over and over I heard it as we worshiped, it was on repeat in my head making sure I heard it loud and clear. Then I felt it, peace, anxiety gone, doubt gone, just peace. By the end of today I felt like a renewed person. I do not know what God has planned next, but I trust him.

2 Thessalonians 3:16

New International Version Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.